March musings


The rains have finally arrived in Northern California. I know we need the water, but man, I don’t know how I ever lived in the Pacific Northwest! I truly hate the dark skies and cold water dripping down from above. Add the omnipresent darkness of current events and it’s really hard to find stuff to write about that isn’t just ALL CAPS PSYCHOTIC RANTING. But lord knows there’s enough of that on the internet already, so I’ll confine myself to random tidbits from my life.

Wildflower is looming large on the horizon. Thankfully, a good-sized number of folks from my tri club are doing it, so there is a training plan to follow and group workouts I can join when I need company/ass kicking. Especially for getting out on the bike when it’s cloudy and cold:

(Photo by Charlie Keen. I’m in the back on the left. I think you can see my arm… )

But little by little I’m finding my mojo again. It’s been a LONG time coming. I’ve been getting up at zero-dark-thirty to get on the bike trainer or go to the pool, which I never managed to do consistently before. On Friday, I made it for my pre-work, outdoor swim in the actual rain. (I was feeling like such a badass about this, until the aquacize ladies rolled in and showed me what hardcore really was. It’s one thing to do an activity where you’re largely under heated water during a cold drizzle. It’s another thing altogether when you’re treading water with your full torso out there. Mad respect, ladies!)

Yesterday, I went out to do a long, hilly bike ride. Originally, Todd was going to join me, but he had some work stuff and his back had been twingy, so he stayed home. I decided to ride out near where I worked and tackle a climb that I’d bailed on the only other time I’d attempted it – Patterson Pass. I figured it would be a good confidence builder, assuming I could do it, and a chance to bump down to a shorter distance if I failed.

Patterson is a long, somewhat relentless climb. It seems like it goes on forever. I generally like climbs like this for training because they build mental strength, along with the physical.

And, of course, there was a ridiculous little steep section before the last part of the climb where I had to stop and take a wheezing/panting/recovery break…

But, I made it to the top and the view was AMAZING:

It was crazy to look down on all of those windmills, completely the opposite of the view I usually have. That climb was followed by many miles of screaming fast/slightly terrifying descents and then some lovely riding through the country. I was feeling so good that I decided to take on a second climb that had eluded me – the road up to Del Valle regional park.

My brother and I have ridden part of it as part of lunchtime and weekend rides, but we’ve never made it all the way to the top. Usually, it’s a million degrees and we have time/fitness constraints, but it’s always bugged me that I’ve never finished it. It’s another long, relentless climb with about a million switchbacks that seem to go on forever. It was the end of my ride and I was tired, but I put my head down and basically willed my legs to get me there. All in all, it was 40 miles of confidence boost. I was tired, but also really proud of myself.

Aside from all of that craziness, life has been work stuff and random adventures with this guy:

And this one…

Even when the weather is bumming me out, I know I’m so deeply blessed to be able to do this crazy athletic stuff and have such wonderful people (and dogs) in my life.


Girl’s trip: the Palm Springs edition


Sometime last fall, I was either listening to an interview with someone who mentioned that they’d just returned from a girl’s weekend in Palm Springs. My initial reaction was to grumpily think “I wish I could do a girl’s weekend in Palm Springs.” Followed by “Wait, why can’t I?” So, I queried my crew of PNW ladies (because, let’s be honest, they need sunshine the most) and everyone was receptive to the idea.

Because I have zero chill and a relaxed work ethic, I immediately sent around a Doodle poll for compatible dates and geeked out on rental house listings. Shockingly, there was a weekend that worked for everyone and direct flights were reasonable. It was meant to be! I booked us a ridiculous house and we were all set.

Before I knew it, February arrived and I found myself flying into Palm Springs. As always, I was horrified by the ridiculous number of golf courses and green lawns in the middle of the desert.


I got in about fifteen minutes before the rest of the crew, so I wandered around the tiny airport. Like many small southern California airports, this one had a nice outdoor atrium section. Unfortunately, that leads to scenes like this:


Everyone arrived and we headed to our rental house. It was every bit as ridiculous as advertised, with a beautiful view of the mountains from our own private pool:


It was a super chill, enjoyable weekend with some of my favorite ladies. We did some touristy stuff: wandered through the neighborhood, took a wrong-way/death march to brunch (sorry again, ladies!), browsed in the cute downtown shops and enjoyed delicious cocktails and Mexican food while watching hipsters and the Olympics at a bar in the Saguaro hotel.




But mostly, we lounged by the pool and just hung out drinking wine and enjoying the sunshine. It was so exactly what I needed. But Sunday rolled around and we had to return to real life:


The PNW crew were all on the same flight back to Seattle, which left about 3 and a half hours before mine. We had to be out of the rental house by 10, so we grabbed a quick breakfast before I dropped them off at the airport. Thanks to my friend Google, I learned that there was a community pool not very far from the airport, so I got to enjoy a little more pool time:


I’ve swum in a fair number of outdoor pools, but this is the first time I’ve seen a locker room that was pretty much open on the top. (God help the drone operator that thinks he’s going to see the ladies locker room of his dreams… ) But it was quite lovely to change in the sunshine.


Afterward, I had just enough time to do a little wandering around the cute downtown, grab a little lunch and then head to the airport myself. I returned home refreshed and happy to see my boys. Many thanks to my Seattle/Bend ladies for joining me on this adventure. I hope it’s the first of many!

Powering into 2018


How are we already two weeks into January? So far the theme of 2018 has been “Oh crap, how am I so far behind schedule?” I’ve been ruminating about the whole start of the year “fresh start phenomenon” and was planning to write a post about it much earlier than now, but hey, better late than never, right?

I LOVE the concept of a fresh start. When I was a kid, I always liked the first day of school because I believed that this would be the year that it all would be different – I’d finally be that good student/popular girl/”insert ephemeral and impossible to attain goal here”. Needless to say, that never seemed to happen and I would remain the same person. (Shocking, I know.)

Fast forward to New Year’s Resolutions. Same idea, but sadder because I should have caught a clue from the earlier lessons. Nope! “I’m going to go to the gym every day!” “I’m going to lose xx pounds!” You name it, I’ve probably resolved it. I think this is why the phrase “New Year, New You” makes me so ragey. Or maybe it’s just because that phrase is so. stupid.

But I can’t help it, I still love that fresh start feeling of January 1. This year, I came across a new (to me) idea that I really love: picking a power word. When I first read about it, I was intrigued and immediately overwhelmed. How could I sum up what I want to accomplish in only one word?

At first, I approached it from a logical standpoint. What are my goals? What do I want to accomplish this year? But that felt a lot like the resolutions and the words that were coming to mind just weren’t resonating. So, I tried to delve deeper – what was underneath all of those goals? And I realized that what I truly want is to not be swallowed by the darkness around me, I want to be happy and healthy and pursue the things that have meaning to me without getting bogged down in the bullshit and distractions that are all around us. And the first image that came to mind was a night sky with a few lonely stars shining bravely.

So, my power word for 2018 is shine. I like it for the above reasons and from the concept of Shine Theory from one of my favorite podcasts. I love the idea that you can elevate others while still trying to be your best self. And it’s funny, since I picked that word it’s been easier to get out for my workouts, make better food choices and, most importantly, to not beat myself up when I fail to do either of those things. I know there will be days where it will by harder, so I’m just going to focus on nurturing that flame inside me and giving it what it needs to burn brightly out into the darkness.

Farewell, big dog


So, one of the last actions of the asshole year 2017 was to take our beloved big dog Wally from us. Wally was 12, so we’d been steeling ourselves for his passing, but you’re never really prepared for them to go. I am grateful that if he had to die, it was at least in one of his favorite places – his “grandma” Susan’s house.

Wally was a very special dog and just about everyone who spent any amount of time with him probably has a story. He was mischievous, shockingly stealthy when it came to stealing food off the counter, but a genuinely sweet and gentle dog. He loved to snuggle close to you and one of his true joys was sleeping on the bed. He always felt like he had to ask permission, which usually came from resting his chin at the foot of the bed and staring at you with his sad eyes.

Susan rescued Wally after he turned up on her friends’ property outside of Salem. When we later met these friends, they said it took them a few days to get Wally to come to them. Given how friendly Wally is, this spoke volumes of how scared he must have been. We were living in Portland at the time and had been considering getting a second dog to keep Smokey Joe company. Susan called us to tell us she had a “fat lab” for us to come meet. (It turns out that Susan meant giant dog, because Wally was definitely not fat – just ginormous.)


Our early years with Wally were… challenging. The first year we had him, I wanted to give him back on numerous occasions. He was boisterous and out of control and none of the training techniques that had worked so well on people-pleasing Smokey Joe seemed to work.


One of my favorite “early Wally” stories was when a friend came to visit us. Somehow, Wally had gotten upstairs and shaken her suitcase all over the landing (and broken the zipper on it). Then, the morning when she had to leave for an early flight, Todd had prepped coffee for her. She told us later that while she was drinking said coffee, she looked over and there was Wally – happily chewing on her toothbrush between his two front paws. This pretty much sums up what we were dealing with.


Another favorite story from those early days was from a camping trip we took in 2007. We’d had him for not quite a year and we’d met up with a group of friends at a campground that had a special section for tents. We had the two campsites on the lower level and a family had one of the sites on the upper level. They had a few kids in the mix, two girls probably 11 or 12 and a younger boy, maybe 5 or 6. The girls had been super into the dogs, so as we were loading up the car, the dogs were tied up and the girls were petting and fussing over them, with the little boy hanging back a little unsure. On my next trip to the car, there’s my rambunctious big dog, sitting patiently, while the little boy is giving him a full body hug. I’ll never forget it, it was so sweet. Wally clearly had kids in his previous life.


Wally stole all manner of food off the counter – steaks, bread dough, entire sticks of butter. For a dog as big as he was, it was shocking how quietly he could jump onto the counter – once literally right behind me. We visited a friends cabin (who had good dogs) and he broke into countless bags of treats and food. We had to come up with various protocols of closed doors, baby gates and childproof locks on cabinets to keep him out of the garbage, right up to the end.


Wally generally wasn’t great with other dogs. I don’t think he’d ever lived with other dogs before because he was completely clueless about reading dog body language. He and Smokey Joe would get into various skirmishes because of it. So, when we wanted to adopt Austin, we were really worried that he wouldn’t accept the new arrival. But upon Austin’s initial tail wagging greeting, I think he genuinely enjoyed his new brother. The two of them lived together for three years with no fights and even ate out of food dishes side by side. It makes me happy that he was finally able to have a buddy.


It’s pretty amazing how much you can miss a big quiet dog who spent the majority of his time sleeping, but we really do. I’m so grateful for the years we had with him and I’m glad we stuck it out. RIP, Sir Wallace. You are loved.


It’s complicated


On one hand, 2017 was a real trash heap of a year. I’m typically pretty good at managing my media intake so that I don’t become overwhelmed with current events and political rhetoric, but that was pretty much impossible. The stakes are too high and the current administration’s strategy seems to be to carpet bomb the populace with terribleness, so that we can’t possibly keep up. UGH!

Not to mention, it seemed like everyone I knew was having terrible things happen. Beloved pets died (more on this in a bit… ), job losses, family member illnesses, and just random terrible things happening to people I care about, etc. Perhaps it’s confirmation bias due to the aforementioned political situation, but it sure seemed to be everywhere.

But I also had some really great moments in 2017. I tried to start writing a post on this blog so many times, but it just seemed so frivolous and dumb in the wake of all that was going on. So, I’m just going to say fuck you 2017, you can’t take all of my joy. Here’s a list of some of my personal highlights from this year:

Finally got back to triathlon
In April, I did the sprint distance at HITS Napa, which was freezing cold (like, for real, not just by my wussy California standards… ) I couldn’t feel my feet until mile 2 of the three mile run. But I ran every step and finished with a smile on my face:

I also joined a tri club and toed the line of the Oakland Triathlon Olympic distance. I was way undertrained, but it was so much fun to race in my city with a bunch of new friends (plus one of my rad Seattle book group ladies!) Definitely looking forward to coming back next year with some actual consistent training!

Celebrated 20(!!!) years of marriage
Since I still feel like I’m in my 20’s… maybe early 30’s, this was a crazy milestone. But we went to New Orleans to celebrate and had the best time. We stayed in a gorgeous bed and breakfast, ate and drank ALL OF THE THINGS and generally just fully enjoyed our first, but hopefully not last, time visiting that wonderful city.

Went to freakin’ Japan!!!

I need to write some retroactive posts for this trip because it was AMAZING. Seriously, find a way to go visit because it is worth it. We joined up with Erik and Nerissa for this trip, which made it even more fun.

Got to see Hamilton

Screen Shot 2018-01-05 at 2.56.06 PM
Christmas present from Erik & Nerissa. It was fantastic. See it if you can.

A few random travel adventures
A Las Vegas trip with Erik & Todd, work trips to Boston and Napa (I know, rough life!) Plus, we got up to Oregon to celebrate my parents 50th anniversary and down to visit Heidi and the fam in LA. So many fun excursions, so little time…

And more!
Plus, as I scrolled through my Instagram to remind myself of what else happened this year, there were so many great photos of culinary excursions, wine tastings and general life awesomeness. Even though two good local friends moved away, one went to her dream job and the other to a pretty perfect fit for her hobbies and well-being. I look forward to adding both of them to the random travel adventures category in the near future.

So, let’s all cross our fingers that 2018 is all of the good stuff for the majority of the population and let all of the bad stuff rain down on a certain administration.

Fun in the sun with Susan


Susan came down for her first visit to our new digs. Austin was pretty excited about it:


Susan is one of those rare houseguests that doesn’t disrupt your routine all that much. She actually doesn’t want to be entertained. She wants to hang out and play with the dogs, but still appreciates the occasional outing. Like wine tasting on a Thursday.


We took her to one of our favorite wineries (and picked up our club shipment.) They recommended another little winery nearby, so we decided to check it out. They not only let us taste outside…


But it was freakin’ poolside! (Apparently, they have a house on the property that they rent out, which includes use of the pool area in the evening when the winery is closed.) I sense a future group outing…


But the rest of the view wasn’t too shabby either…


Mixed in with awesome outings, Susan did a ton of yard work:


Spring has definitely sprung in our little yard! I took the opportunity to take a photo of our gorgeous roses, before they got pruned:


We took Susan out for her 66th birthday to Greens restaurant:


And there was plenty of dog time. Here’s Blue getting groomed:




Austin did not like when Susan would take Wally for a walk. (Even though he would always go for a walk right after… )


We took a trip into San Francisco for some tourist fun. We visited the Nespresso store, then walked through Chinatown to check out Coit Tower


Despite the various years we’ve lived here, I’ve never actually gone inside. It was really cool. There are a bunch of murals from the 30’s in the lobby:


And the top of the tower is pretty cool in it’s own right.


But the views of the city are the star of the show. Here’s Alcatraz:


The Transamerica tower and downtown SF:


And home sweet home, Oakland:


And that was basically our visit. It was so much fun to hang out with Susan but I’m pretty sure it’s going to take Wally a few days to recover…


One year later…


A year ago, I wrote a lengthy blog post and detonated the remains of a really important relationship in my life. I’ve thought often about what might have been different if I’d known we’d be moving in six months. Could I have been patient? Would she have actually talked to me? Or was the feeling that she was ghosting out of our friendship correct? Who knows…

Healing is a funny thing. It has helped tremendously to be in a totally new environment. (Especially one in which I didn’t know her when I lived here before.) And for the most part, I’ve made my peace with the situation, but I find myself wishing I could text her about super random things. Like when the guy in front of me is buying a bag full of lemons. Or my mother-in-law goes to an impromptu Jazzercize class down the street. And those are the times that I miss her the most.

And while I am tremendously sorry that my blog post hurt her, and there are definitely things I would have phrased differently if I hadn’t been in such a messed up place myself, I can’t say that I’m sorry that I wrote it. I learned exactly how universal and strange losing a close female friend is and had some amazing conversations with people about it that I never would have otherwise. It definitely helped the healing process.

I still wish that she’d reach out, but I’m not counting on it. Whatever happens, I hope that life is treating her well and that she’s happy. I’m grateful for the parts of our friendship that were awesome and for the lessons learned from the less-awesome parts. I guess that’s all we can really hope for, isn’t it?