Sorry this blog has been so quiet lately. The last few weeks have been… um… interesting. A few weeks ago, the boy told me that there was a design job at the Austin office of the company he works for. I told him he should apply for it, thinking that I wouldn’t even have to think about it again for another month, given the way job application processes usually go. Two days later, he was sending a resume and more materials at their request. The day after that he was doing a phone interview. Two days later, they asked him to come down to Austin for an interview. For a job that they were wanting to have start on JANUARY 2nd. (Mind you, this is all taking place a week ago.)
As you might expect, I went through a range of emotions from the “Are you f-ing kidding me? That’s ridiculous!” to “Well, it’s an adventure. Let’s see what happens next.” For those who might not know T’s and my history (or want a refresher), we started our marriage with about 15 days together before he boarded a plane to Alaska to stage manage dinner theatre for six months and I headed down to California to assistant direct for a Shakespeare festival. We’ve moved approximately eight times over the course of our 14 and a half years of marriage. So, the prospect of moving to a city I’ve never visited in a state that I’ve only seen the inside of one of it’s airports wasn’t as daunting as it might be to other folks. The timeline was a bit worrisome, but I figured we’d work it out.
I spent the pre-interview week trying to adopt a Zen attitude toward the whole thing while simultaneously making a list of details that would need to be handled. Pretty much every time a panicked thought entered my head (“What about that pile of Craigslist stuff in the closet?! We need to deal with that!”) I’d jot it into my Google spreadsheet. I would also find myself thinking of all of the things I was going to miss if we left Seattle. When I drove T to the airport on Sunday for his interview, I honestly didn’t know which result I was hoping for. I felt completely neutral, with good sides and bad sides of either option balancing each other out.
As I waited to hear news, I realized how rare these moments where your life is about to completely and totally change have become. When I was in my 20’s those moments were commonplace. I actively sought them out and thrived on the chaos and tumult that resulted. (In fact, back in 1995, I moved to Seattle for an internship, having never set foot in the city before my interview. I had a weekend to find a place to live on my $100/week salary.) But over the years, things have definitely settled down and I thought I was okay with that trend.
So, when T called yesterday to say he didn’t get the job, I was surprised at how disappointed I was. Without even being fully conscious of it, I’d been really looking forward to having another crazy adventure. To having to start from scratch someplace new. I know that some of this is because I’ve forgotten the downsides of all of those things, the loneliness before you meet anybody. The uncertainty of finding a new job/finding a way to do my current job remotely. The fact that T would be traveling a ton in that job and I would spend a bunch of time alone in a strange city where I don’t know anyone.
There’s a similar design job on the horizon here in Seattle. I’m hoping that all of the prep for this interview will give T an advantage in applying for that one. (Plus it’s on his home turf, which helps.) But I’m also trying to find ways to rejuvenate our lives here. In a few months, we’ll be looking to move to a new place in town, which will help. I’m brainstorming some ways to interject some adventure into our lives and figure out why everything feels so stagnant right now. (Maybe it’s that mid-life crisis I’ve been hearing about… ) In the meantime, I’m focusing on all of the things I would have missed if we had moved. Which is a pretty good mind-set to carry into the holidays.